It's a beautiful day here in The City and I'm happily sitting around in my vagina den counting down the minutes to when I get to go outside and play. (Or something like that).
It's Friday, and I'm desperately looking forward to my weekend. (All two days that I've had to work this week were extremely difficult). I will be at my second V job tomorrow, but that will be short-lived and will mostly involve my research in the field of crotchety car salesmen.
Working with a dealership full of grumpy car salesmen has definitely taught me a lot in the differences between men and women, especially in the communication field. (Nothing is better than a cantankerous old man bitching about his marriage in an environment that has only one girl). Apparently, when it comes to communication, I am a boy when it pertains to anyone I am not romantically interested in (so... EVERYONE), but I have my girl moments. Unfortunately, my girl moments are of epic proportion due to the fact that I so rarely take the time to become romantically attached to anyone. Perhaps this is a sign I should date more... But I digress. I was talking about my study of men and women and the fact that they might use the same words, but the words they use have insanely different meanings.
Allow me to illustrate:
Today, while working VERY hard, I stumbled across this jewel of a personal ad.
Hi, I just moved up here and need some passion in my life again I want someone to cuddle with, touch and make out with and if all goes well more Must love thick women I'm pretty easy going and laid back Your picture receives mine Put passion in your subject.
What our passionate princess actually meant was:
"I am recently out of a shitty relationship and moved to start a new life and get over him. I'm incredibly lonely and would very much like to have someone who would like to touch me. We can have sex if you tell me I'm pretty. I hope you don't mind that I've been eating my way out of the depression that my recent break-up threw me into. I will not argue with you or tell you anything you don't want to hear because I so desperately want you to hang around me. If you send me a picture I will send you a picture of my face and cleavage from a downward pointing angle taken on my camera phone. Please put passion as the subject line since 'random sex' sounds so crass."
What our passionate princess's suitor actually read was:
Hi, I
Remember women... BE INCREDIBLY SPECIFIC in your writings. You never know what that dude is actually going to read.
Hahahaha! It's like telling my dog "No, you can't have a hot dog" and all he hears is "you can have hot dog."
ReplyDeleteExactly!!! HAHAHA!
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome.. would love to see more of those!
ReplyDeleteThis is all wrong, she wants thick dick and wants to ride cowgirl style. You may understand men but lack in the lonely women department tiger....
ReplyDeleteOh, come now. Men don't read all that. They only get as far as "Hi" and then they're hard and drooling.
ReplyDeleteOh Troy, you're right, I don't understand lonely women. Probably because I'm lonely by choice, not necessity. All I need to do is go to the living room and pester one of my gluttonous lumps of cat hair if I get bored...
ReplyDelete