So, it's been a shitty day.
Nothing in particular, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have been a total snatch all day. So.... nothing new there.
Anyway, I was thinking it was time to answer the age old question that people keep asking me.
"Phoebe," they ask, "you must be able to get any man you want! Tell me, how do you do it?"
Well, my friends... I am very smooth. Like a broken piece of balsa wood. Or coarse sandpaper covered in velcro. The men, they come falling at my feet (the minute they find out I'm paying for that last round). In discussion with one of my besties, we decided it was probably time for me to start showing you exactly how I find the amazing men that have graced my history with their presence.
I give you, Part 1 of how this future cat lady pulls in the men:
So, as I think about true situations I have found myself in throughout this whole "dating experience", I recall many of the compromises that I've been willing to make to make the object of my affection happy.
You'd be surprised at how close to accurate this might actually be...
This particular phrase seems to get me on my back with my pants around my ankles faster than a sorority girl with a case of wine coolers during pledge week. I've tried to move on from this, but it seems to be the main factor in my choosing a mate...
In my wild adventures of dating, I've heard a lot of lines thrown at me. Unfortunately, most of them are along the lines of:
"Wow, you're purty. Hur Hur." *insert man giggling uncomfortably while shifting back and forth and hoping this will work*
Not exactly the most eloquent of pick up lines, but nice try Pal. I think I'll just sit over here in my cat-hair infested sweater and imagine all the colors I could paint the litter-box room.
Then there's the amazing lines that they are sure will work to impress you with their ardent desire to peek inside your panties such as:
"Daaaayummm girl! You are THICK!" (Real line heard in bar in LA circa 2006). Yeah, that went over well...
But, I have been told some things that I find sexier than anything in the entire world, and I've decided that I would like to share them with you... in illustrated form.
Sexy Line #1:
