Monday, March 14, 2011

A letter from a divine man

I really just had to share this with all of you...
He's just so classy I felt it was too much to deprive everyone of. And he was actually kind enough to WRITE A LETTER to us!! (By "us" I mean a public forum)


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I just moved here, I just want to let you know how smoking fucking hot some of you girls are. Also I appreciate that you like a good looking guy with a big cock, the women I've dated so far are so fucking horny and know how to fuck its like living in Paradise...well except for the gold diggers, you girls are just scary....
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Wow... really Dude?

Dear Good Looking Cock,

Thank you for your letter, I truly appreciate your kind sentiments towards all of us "smoking fucking hot" women that live in this area. I'm glad that you appreciate that we like good-looking men with large cocks. I mean, so many men seem to think that we like trollish boys with microscopic genitalia. Thank GOD you understand (and appreciate) our preference. Where did you move from, by the way? You seem somewhat surprised by our preference for good-looking men... are you from the MidWest???

I also appreciate the kind mentioning of the fact that fucking us is like being in Paradise. Personally, I enjoy the fact that you like to tell all your friends (and/or public dating forums) about what I'm like in bed (as long as it's flattering, of course). I really like the "Paradise" description, it makes me sound so exotic and worldly. Honestly, it saves me the time of having to publicly put it out there about how amazing in bed I am and how much I want to have sex with hot men with large penises. I doubt you can possibly comprehend how tedious it can be as a woman to be constantly running around, expressing our skills in the bedroom, and measuring phalluses. Sometimes we just don't have access to a tape measure... or our list of references. This letter takes some of the "bothersome factor" out of it all. Do you work in advertising by any chance? Maybe you could just put our names and phone numbers on the stall in the men's room.

Speaking of advertising, I have to admit I am somewhat surprised by your opinion that all the women in this area are practically cats in heat. Did they just come running at you tearing their clothes off on the way? And was this before or after you bought them a cocktail? Did you encourage any of this behavior with pharmaceuticals? Sorry, not to be pointing any fingers or anything, I am sure you don't have to give all your dates a rufee-colada. It just seems so odd for someone to be having that much luck in the casual sex department without knowing anyone in town. You also mentioned the gold digger word (a term I loathe). Did you get the opinion that these "scary" gold diggers were after your money before or after they took you to Paradise? Because you have to consider, with your statements of them being that horny, and that good in bed, that these women aren't necessarily "gold diggers" per se, but perhaps professionals. If my hunch is correct, then perhaps these women were just expecting you to pay for your trip as opposed to digging for gold. A girl's gotta eat you know.

Anyway you stud, I'm going to have to go now. I have a meeting scheduled with an ad firm about the billboard I'm putting up in the city notifying the public of my desperate need for attractive men with large penises to fulfill my wanton needs. Hopefully we'll run into each other soon. I'll be the one ripping my top off while grinding on your leg after glimpsing that handsome face (and cucumber-sized bulge in your pants).

Warmest regards,

Phoebe

P.S. Please be prepared to write a letter of recommendation