Saturday, January 19, 2013

How To Find Financially Stable Men Who Want Babies

I've got nothing...

Looking for a financially stable man who wants a baby ~ 30 yr old Female

I am a white woman interested in having a baby with a man who is financially stable. Maybe you have focused on your career and now want to have a pregnant girlfriend and start a family. Maybe you just didn't find the right woman. Let me know what you think. 

Dear Miss Right,

What an unusual concept. I'm quite shocked that you are a female that is a) interested in having children and b) wanting to have said children with a FINANCIALLY STABLE man. How novel! Most of the women I know are looking for a man living in his parents' basement with which to procreate. Bonus points if he is an actor or a professional online poker player! I think you are on your way to discovering an untapped resource! With an internet ad!! On a free, public forum!

I can't tell you how many of my male friends have come to me with this problem. They've spent their entire adult lives focusing on their career and providing themselves with the means to lead a comfortable life, but then, at the ripe, old age of 30, can't find a woman who would like to have a baby with them. Without being married. If I had a nickel for every time I hear, "Phoebe, I'm at a loss. I keep meeting all these independent, self-sufficient women who want to have a happy and fulfilling relationship and get married before having children. I don't understand why I can't find a woman who will let me support her and have children with me without any thoughts towards how the foundation of our relationship will provide the platform from which our children will be raised and learn values and how to treat others!" I would be a millionaire! Or at least be able to afford a cup of coffee out of the expensive vending machine at work! You know the one I'm talking about, the one with the flavors and the steamed "milk". MmmmmMMMMMmmmmm. 

In all seriousness, Miss Right, I really think you're on to something. But, how will you go about arranging this? Are there specific qualities you want your children to have? Hair color? Eye color? Ethnic background? Will the two of you have fertility/genetic testing done prior to your first meeting? You know, to make sure that neither of you are carriers of anything? ( is pretty impressive if you're looking for getting screened for every disorder you've never even heard of before). Perhaps your first date could be at a perinatologist's office for a joint genetic counseling session! Or maybe getting your hormone levels checked/semen analysis in a nice sterile lab environment. Wouldn't want to start a relationship with a man who has slow swimmers, if you know what I mean. What a bummer that would be! And, I'm sure he would be horrified to learn that you had premature ovarian failure. Perhaps you should get an AMH, aka anti-mullerian hormone, level done too just to make sure your egg reserves are still good. While 36 is still considered the earliest of ages to start worrying about fertility, you can never be too careful! Especially when everything in your relationship is based on his finances and your child-bearing capabilities. On second thought, maybe you two should skip meeting altogether until your Ob/Gyn and his accountant meet up and make sure everything is a go.

Anyway, I really should go. I've got to get this damned IUD removed and start posting on the internet so I can find me a financially stable man too! Here I thought just living as a responsible member of society would eventually find me a comfortable relationship...

Good luck out there! 

Your Future Crazy Cat Lady

P.S. Can't wait to see your future offspring in group therapy!

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