Saturday, October 13, 2012

A Scavenger Hunt

Does anyone actually read the things they post on these sites? Today I found:

Its a really nice warm day. I'm heading over to (name withheld) park and I'd love for you to join me if you're looking to meet a cute guy this afternoon...... We could have some beers, people watch, or just hangout in the park....Email me and I'll give you some hints (kinda like a scavenger hunt) on who I am. I'll be by myself -- cute white male, brown hair, very fit and slim body, educated, fun, have style, and very flirty with the right girl. 

I'm not exactly sure what to think about this. Did he not think about what he was writing? Do women actually answer to these things? I think it's time to translate to how this would be read by a normal(ish), sane (occasionally), woman.

Its a really nice warm day. The sun is shining. It is easier to stare at women wearing skimpy clothes when the weather is like this. I'm heading over to (name withheld) park  I'm going to go to a prime location where it is highly likely women are either a) jogging or b) sun-tanning. This will optimize the likelihood of me adding to my spank-bank while pretending to read the Economist or War and Peace while seated on an appropriately distanced bench down the way and I'd love for you to join me if you're looking to meet a cute guy this afternoon.... You should come meet a strange man of questionable character/attractiveness in a secluded wilderness area where people are only around at random intervals We could have some beers with or without Rohypnol, your choice, people watch though the bushes, or just hangout in the park.... behind the hedge, while you're gagged and tied to a tree.

Email me and I'll give you some hints (kinda like a scavenger hunt) on who I am. Tall, brunette, live with my parents I'll be by myself  as usual-- cute just ask my mom. white male, brown hair, very fit if you compare me to my friends in the D&D group and slim body I haven't worked out in my life, educated reading helps me forget the fact that I haven't been within five feet of a real woman in six months, fun my cats think I'm hilarious, have style Sheldon stole everything from me, and very flirty with the right girl or any girl. Whether she wants it or not. 




I can't help but be excited by this though... 

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Dear Park Enthusiast,

I just wanted to shoot you a quick note regarding your ad from earlier this afternoon. Hopefully you'll get this in time to send me the first clue for our little game. Maybe you can send me a cell-phone pic of the park bench you're standing near. Or maybe one of you with a nylon stocking over your face peeking out from behind the tree next to the bench? That is so hot. I know when I'm bored on a Saturday afternoon I often look for unknown men posting on public forums for women to meet them in secluded areas before something like, I don't know... coffee? Public handshake? It's so exciting!

I am most excited about the idea of a scavenger hunt! I LOVE games. I love games almost more than I love lists (and I loooooooove lists). Is there a prize? Will I find a gold coin at the end of the scavenger hunt? Or are you the prize? If you're the prize, do I get to keep you? I mean, I would've won you fair and square. This makes me all giddy! Like Elmira when sighting a new kitty!! I'm not so sure on the storage of that though. I mean, full-grown men are fairly large, and I really don't know where I'd keep one should I win one. With two cats and a full sewing set-up, things are kind of crowded in my apartment. Although, I think I might have room under my bed for you. It has risers so it has a bit of space under there next to the old suitcases I can't bring myself to throw away. You said you were slim, didn't you? I'm sure I could tuck you under there without too much difficulty when I go to work. I'll probably have to duct tape your arms and legs down though so I can slide you under there easily. Don't worry, I'll be sure to leave you a dish of water and some sort of entertainment. Do you like the movie Pride and Prejudice? (I personally like the six hour version on replay). I can't promise you food though. Not because I want to starve you, but because I don't keep that stuff in my house. Yuck. 

I am SO excited! I can't wait to start our game. As soon as I find my stun-gun I'm going to head out in your direction. Can't wait for the first hint! This is going to be so much fun!

See you soon!!

Future Crazy Cat Lady

P.S. Would you consider yourself more of a speed or a distance runner?