Friday, May 11, 2012

Really?

Just a quick hello from the city before I head out for the weekend. I wasn't planning on posting anything until I could compose something worthy of my ten readers, but I saw this and I really couldn't help but respond.

Do you have the biological urge to become pregnant, but do not want the responsibility of parenthood?

Would you like to give birth to a beautiful baby and nurse it and care for it for a year or two (with assistance)?

If you're young, healthy, esthetically pleasing, non-smoker, drug-free, intelligent, emotionally stable, kind, compassionate, gentle, and good with children, then contact me.

I am ready to be a father, but after a divorce (no children) I would like to avoid the pain and suffering that often comes from spousehood.

This is NOT a commercial offer.

Responses with PICTURES are PREFERRED.

Thank you for your interest.

Dear Future Baby Daddy,

Gee whiz! I just read your ad and I cannot believe my eyes! It has been so long since I've found a man willing to get me pregnant (and have me take care of his offspring for a year or two) that I was losing hope of every finding one at all! I mean, how else would I want to spend 40 weeks of my life than having a couple months full of nausea, a few months of sciatica, crazy dreams, unusual food cravings, awful hemorrhoids, constipation, headaches, shortness of breath and then the JOYS of delivery!! Not to mention getting all the blood tests and ultrasounds and the 25 extra pounds on top of all that. Maybe I'll even get to have an episiotomy too! Then you'd let me nurse the critter for two years?? You are a giver. I can only imagine that after all of that, and then two years of bonding with it, I would be totally ready to hand that sucker off and never see it again!

I did want to ask... what if you don't like our offspring? Would you still be willing to take it off my hands? Or do I have to keep it? I don't think we can very well drop it off at the Humane Society, so we might want to discuss that a little further. I am sure you would never do something like leave me hanging with a baby, no support, and no idea where you disappeared to though! After all, you're a legit and caring man looking for a woman to knock up on an internet dating forum. That's Klassy with a K.

Anyway FBD, I have to run. Good luck out there! I have an appointment to go bond with foster kids (we're coming up on year two) before I walk out of their lives and never talk to them again. I hear that is fucking fabulous for the mental health of small children. Let me know if you want to start this, I'm looking forward to being unable to see my toes.

Sincerely,

Your Future Cat Lady

P.S. Please consider sterilization

1 comment:

  1. He needs to hear this video.

    http://youtu.be/Hw1ncADC9KM

    ReplyDelete