Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Why Play Alone?


So here I am, trying to end my day at the shack, and I find this particular piece of literature:

I am working sort of halfheartedly; actually watched some online porn, which I rarely do. Mutual masturbation is fun and allows for the appropriate emotional distance between strangers...we can adjust things as we see fit but I am comfortable with a no touch rule. As for me, I am tall, fit, endowed (+/-), nice to look at and I have a relaxed, respectful attitude along with a nice voice and active imagination. I am completely genuine and available. Solo is no fun. 

Dear Solo,

What an excellent idea you have! I often find myself watching online porn at work and thinking, "You know what would make this better? Having a complete stranger watch me take care of business!!" But, can't be having him get too close... no coffee or anything first. I mean, I definitely want to keep the appropriate emotional distance between myself and the random man off of the internet forums I've invited to watch me masturbate. Can't be letting him get too close now. Now that I think about it, is there a particular distance you'd like to keep us apart? Should we be sitting across the room from each other? Side by side? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Maybe we should do what they do in Jr. High dances and keep the Book of Mormon between us at all times. That seems appropriate.

I'm quite pleased you managed to include that you are tall and well-endowed in your ad as well. That is very important to me when selecting the man to watch me in my most intimate of moments. I can't even fathom the idea of a short man sitting across the room from me while I imagine Vin Diesel ripping his mesh shirt off with his pinkie finger. That would be so wrong.

Anyway, I really just wanted to send you a quick note since my porn-watching-while-at-work time is almost up. Hope everything worked out even though you were solo, and I can't wait to hear back from you.


Your Future Crazy Cat Lady

P.S. Please bring Book Of Mormon

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