Thursday, April 5, 2012

Holy Hell! Really?!?!

Well howdie, y'all! Long time, no talk... My fault, I know. Whatever. I'm a jerk. But, you all knew that anyway.

I personally think the reason why I haven't felt like writing anything has been because I kind of got over the bitterness. But, just a few days ago, I got a solid reminder of why boys are ridiculous... when I found THIS:

Title: "Your window of opportunity has passed" (Title is possibly edited for grammar/spelling corrections... oops)

to ever be with me. I tried and tried you said I pushed. No more I gave up. Will be your friend will work together but you need to at least meet me half way.

If not I will go my own way.

I have agreed with you and tried to believe you when you said it was my pushing but you led me on then blamed me for pushing.

Now I will call you once about work and if you dont respond I will not bother worrying I will do it myself.

I hope you find what you are looking for this has been miserable.

No matter how bad something is good can be found in everything so I thank you for the good 

Dear Whiny Little Bitch:

It was fascinating to me to find this angst-ridden note in the "missed connections" section. This is definitely not the first I've found in this area, but something about it just struck a chord in my wee, little heart, and I had to respond.

I was VERY impressed with your letter! I mean, really, what woman wouldn't read your note of (I'll paraphrase) "Waaahhhh, you didn't want to go out with me so I followed you around until you finally got so fed up with me that you told me to piss off!" and immediately wonder what she'd done to lose such a magnificent specimen? I know I'm hoping that you'll continue to post this note at regular intervals for the rest of the week so I can piece together where you are and fling myself at your feet.

Honestly WLB, I wholeheartedly agree with you. If you're interested in someone else, they should totally want you back! You are completely entitled to be able to date her, and if she doesn't give in to that? Well, eff her! Especially if you offer all your attentions under the label of "friendship" so she feels safe until you spring the "I have feelings for you talk" at her after she's let her guard down. I bet she led you on by saying good-morning to you at the water cooler, or accepting the coffee you brought her. She is getting what she deserves!! You definitely proved your point to her. In fact, I'll bet she's been combing the personals ads all week in hopes of finding vague, passive-aggressive notes written by men she hasn't been interested in dating. I thought it was hawt. Not only did you show her what was up by writing such a monumental piece of literature, you then informed her, publicly, that you were going to ignore her from now on. Probably as actively as you ignore little things like punctuation, sentence structure, and the correct tense of words in your sentences. Maybe, if this letter doesn't work, you could do what my cat does and just go sit with your back to her for extended periods of time. That will totally show her! I mean, you guys work together... it should be way easy!

Anyway, just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement. I love how you're going about this! In fact, if you're free later this week, maybe you'd like to come to MY job and tell me all about how you're ignoring me. That sounds like fun.

Best of luck out there champ,

Your Loving Future Cat Lady 

P.S. Please grow a pair


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