Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Perfect Wife

Happy weekend all! I just finished moving the big stuff to my new apartment (cats to be moved in 1.5 hours) and I decided I needed a little break while working at the dealership to write a little something something...

So I started nosing through the ads, and I found this. It seems pretty straight forward, but I think she left a few things out, and to be completely fair to the men out there, I think I should translate.

If I were your wife/girlfriend:

I would:
*offer conversation based on the days headlines and event From Cosmo.
*lend an ear to hear about your day/concerns/milestones During commercials while I'm watching Oprah.
*have a hot meal ready to go at the end of the day Do you prefer Burger King or McDonalds?
*keep a clean house by demanding you do "your half" after you get home from work.
*watch sports with you 'interactively.' I will "interact" with you by whining and nagging throughout the entire game and interrupting to have you explain what just happened
*accept what you bring to the table with the utmost gratitude Until I know you're not going anywhere, then I will proceed to tell you everything that you lack and fail at.

All while wearing an apron and heels. ;-) For the first two months, then I will of course revert to the housewife uniform of sweats and Uggs. Hairbrushing will become 'optional'.

In all seriousness, I'm college educated, hard working, fun/laughter loving, creative/imaginative and am seeking a long term relationship with one person -- not fwb or special arrangements.

(Read: I went to school and didn't land myself a meal ticket. I'm tired of having a job, I want to stay home and be taken care of while eating bonbons, and look forward to not actually having to have sex with you)

Please be local and between 35-42, and at least 5 ft 6 inches tall and have something to hold on to.
(Read: I don't want to have to travel to see you, and it would be nice if you were less attractive than me so I wouldn't have to worry about you running off with someone else).

Good day!

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