Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Sleepy Fantasies

So I found this a few weeks ago, but I was too busy to get around to finishing my response. The whole ad had me scratching my head for a few days...

When I look at this ad, all I'm seeing is, "I get aroused by the idea of giving girls rohypnol (I mean a "massage") and groping them while they lay there drooling on themselves. I promise there won't be any sex because this is all for your enjoyment. You know, with you being asleep, or too tired to notice, or passed out drunk."

But, I feel even closet date-rapists deserve love, so I wanted to write him back.

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Hey there.

 So I am writing this looking to see if there might be a lady (or ladies) who have a sleepy fantasy? No sex... just want to play with you while you are out or in a very deep relax state, whether from you enjoying drinking too much, coming home and be really tired from a long day at work...or just enjoy to go in a relax state by a massage.

Feel free to let me know for any questions. Single ladies preferred and appreciated.


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Dear Sir,

I almost had to excuse myself to the ladies' room to clean up the puddle that was threatening to form in my shapeless, cotton briefs when I read your ad. As I have two jobs and an incredibly long commute, I tend to fantasize about sleep quite a bit. With two cats that wake me up at the crack of dawn to demand food (generally with a foot in a foot-free zone, like my mouth) added to my extended work life, I can't say I get much shut-eye. Your ad is the blessing I've been waiting for.

I am glad to know there's someone out there who can appreciate how much I fantasize about being pawed at while passed out and completely unable to prevent said pawing? (I do commend you on being sure to advise me there will be no sex, you are quite the gentleman). Even though I haven't met any other women who have spoken of this fantasy, I'm sure I can't be alone in this desire to fall asleep, or enter a "relax state" as you put it (I dig your use of tenses by the way), and have some man grope on me while I lay there completely oblivious to the whole deal. That is hawt!

In the past, the only way I was able to sate my sleep lust was to invite myself to frat parties or go to college-town bars in the hopes I would be offered a Ruffie-Colada by some obliging boy. I can't tell you how many times I've had to take a taxi home by myself as I wasn't alluring enough to bother trying to take advantage of. (I even got an e-mail a few  years ago from a 19 year old telling me he thought I was really hot but he couldn't believe how old I was). Damned college boys are so underwhelmed by women over the ripe old age of 21. I can't even lure them in with my offers of Mad Dog 20/20 or Arbor Mist anymore. But that's all behind me now that I've found you! Now I too will have the chance to wake up in an alley wondering why it feels like someone hit me in the back of the head with a frying pan and why my pants are around my ankles.

I can't wait to meet you so we can recreate my date rape... er... sleep fantasies. I can't think of anything hotter than not being able to remember what you did to me when I wake up.

Looking forward to trying to find my panties in the morning,

Future Cat Lady

P.S. Please bring nighttime eye cream. I hate waking up from a blackout with puffy eyes

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