Monday, July 18, 2011

I Need Me a Rich Man!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I really don't like women as a group. (Well, I don't really like anyone... but a pack of women is the pits). On an individual basis I have some A-MAZING female friends, but as an overall group... well... we kind of suck. We're mean to each other, we steal each other's boyfriends, we look for the most convenient relationship out there, and for some odd reason many women I know think their vaginae are plated in gold because if you go by their opinion all they need to do is have sex with a guy and he owes her all sorts of stuff. You know, dinner, movies, expensive jewelry, the usual. This ad demonstrates a prime example of women I try to avoid.

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I am looking for a man to enjoy a fun relationship with.. You are fit, tall, handsome 40ish professional and enjoy spoiling a very feminine girl... I want to please myself and you. You must send me a picture. I want to have a lot of fun and enjoy this, you as well... If you understand life is to be enjoyed, celebrated and are the type who actually loves to spoil in a big way... please send me something and let's go!! You can get to know me and I will send pics after your response.. I am a real person. My ideal is a high end professional man looking for a relationship where we meet each others needs ...
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I really don't want to interact with this *ahem* gold digger, so I instead have decided to take this letter, that was obviously written in G.I.R.L. (Greedy Immature Rotten Leech), and translate it into layman's terms for those who aren't proficient in G.I.R.L.
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I am looking for a man to take care of every aspect of my financial life. You are far more attractive and successful than me, but for some reason are looking for a relationship on a free dating forum. You would like to support a girl who doesn't work but instead sits at home and paints her toenails. I want to see what you look like before I bother writing back. I want to get as much as possible out of you while you're still trying to get into my pants. You are the type who would like to buy me a sports car. I will send you a picture after you already send me something as I am probably not up to your standards and I'm hoping to get something before you dump me. I am looking for a man that makes a shit-ton of money and is looking for a relationship where I give him mediocre sex and he pays my bills.
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"But, Cat Lady," you might say, "how do you know she's such a gold-digging snatch?"
Allow me to break it down for you.

I am looking for a man to enjoy a fun relationship with.. I am looking for someone who wants/is desperate for sex
You are fit, tall, handsome 40ish professional and enjoy spoiling a very feminine girl... I don't mind if you're married because it's highly unlikely that you're not if you are everything I just listed off. You would like to pay a girl for sex because your wife is somewhat frigid. I wear a lot of make-up and dye my hair constantly.
 I want to please myself and you. I will give you fellatio and get myself off because I don't think you're going to be able to.
You must send me a picture. I want to be able to reject you based soley on your male-pattern baldness
I want to have a lot of fun and enjoy this, you as well... I want to get a lot of jewelry and/or stocks out of this
If you understand life is to be enjoyed buy me stuff, celebrated buy me stuff and are the type who actually loves to spoil in a big way pay my rent... please send me something like diamonds and let's go!! You can get to know me I will tell you anything to get into your wallet and I will send pics of myself taken on my camera phone from a sideways, downward angle after your response.. I am a real person they wouldn't hire me to work the sex web cams. My ideal is a high end rich professional RICH man looking for a relationship where we meet each others needs I put out, you give me money ...

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