Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And now for something completely different....

All my recent posts have basically been about men seeking women. But, some of the most horrendous CL posts I have seen have been from women seeking men. To be fair, I think that I should introduce the flip-side of the coin of the personal ad market and introduce....

WOMEN WHO LOOK FOR MEN ON THE INTERNET (section one)

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WHERE IS MY KNIGHT and SHINING ARMOR?

In search of an honest man that wants a LTR.

Please no MARRIED men!

I am witty, classy, confident, and fun to be around. I have a lot of wonderful qualities that I would love to share with ONE man.

BE HONEST, LOYAL, TRUSTWORTHY, HEALTHY, ACTIVE, FUN, SPONTANEOUS, RESPECTFUL, GIVING, PATIENT, COURTEOUS, LOVING, UNDERSTANDING, GOD FEARING and know what it is to have a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!

I find that most men think that they are Winnie the pooh and quickly want to dip into the honey.... You are not Winnie until I say you are!

Please send a picture of YOURSELF...on the subject line put LTR.

Best of luck to you all!



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Dear Honeypot,

I saw your ad today and my heart went out to you. I can understand everything that you brought up in your ad. I admit, it wasn't hard to truly follow what you were saying with your use of enormous font and the impressive amount of CAPITAL LETTERS you used. But, I actually understood the subject matter as well and thought I would send you a note of encouragement as you embarked on your quest.

I can understand the frustration you must be experiencing. Dating is difficult enough, but when your needs aren't being met it's even harder. I mean, what girl wouldn't want a good suit of armor? Well, I don't particularly, as that would require me to wear it, or store it, or move it, or all sorts of other inconvenient things. Armor is heavy. But I'm sure that you are correct and a good suit of armor is what most women need and crave. I personally like my knights in their armor. There are several reasons for this, but the highest up on the list is so he (read: not me) has to fight with people and I can wave my handkerchief at him and sigh dreamily as he thumps people with his sword. Following closely behind it is that my knight will move the armor, clean the armor, store the armor, and generally keep the armor out of my way so I don't stub my toe on it. I've done that before, it's painful. Oh yeah, armor smells really bad if it's been used regularly. I hope you have some good air freshener.

I liked the fact that you incorporated the use of lists in your ad. I like lists. A lot. They really are the most convenient thing to really express the items you find important (in this case at least), and it helps the people reading the ad to quickly and easily assess whether or not they meet your qualifications and/or expectations. You also listed off your good qualities and I thought that too was a brilliant maneuver in your quest for a LTR. Or LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP as you put it. (Do you really feel the need to shout it out? I mean, I don't know many men that enjoy being screamed at about feelings).

Your list about yourself was very descriptive of your personality. I like that you are witty, and classy, and confident, and fun to be around. Do you have references? Or do you just like being around yourself so much you know it's a lot of fun? Did you take a poll of your friends? What about strangers? Were you rated on where your "fun level" was when under the pressure of interacting with people you don't know? And I am very curious about these "wonderful qualities" that you're willing to share with ONE man. What are these wonderful qualities that you can't share with anyone else? Can you do something you're not telling me about? You naughty girl. Hinting about that sort of thing in the same ad you're asking for a god-fearing man. Tsk tsk.

Speaking of what you were asking for, I would like to touch on the subject of the list of the qualities in a man you're looking for. I can understand the whole honest, loyal, trustworthy, etc. I mean, what woman doesn't want that in a man they're looking for? It's fairly rare to find a woman looking for a liar that cheats and steals out of her purse. But, then again, this is Craigslist, so who knows. Well, I probably have a better idea than most, but I'm getting away from the subject at hand. I was talking about your ad, and what you need in a man. Sometimes I can be such an attention whore.

Anyway, I particularly noticed that you demanded (I would say screamed, but that's just not nice) that your future mate be loving, generous, and above all, "know what it is to have a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP!!!" Honeypot, I'm going to ask you this in all seriousness, do you know what it is to have a long-term relationship? You're nineteen years old. How long was your long-term relationship that taught you what it is to have a long-term relationship? Or were you hoping for someone to teach you how to have one? I can understand that, I still don't know how to have one and I think I've probably had at least a little bit more dating experience than you. Probably not much more, but a little bit.

In my relatively limited experience in the dating world I have learned a few things about men. One of them in particular is that I have never, and I mean never, met a man who compared himself to Winnie the Pooh. The day I meet a man (no matter HOW close he actually mirrors Mr. Pooh) who compares himself to a fat, clumsy, awkward stuffed bear (and honestly believes in that resemblance) is the day that I start putting my cats outside at night and join a swingers club for the over 80's crowd. And I will bet you that none of those withered, prune-like men will consider themselves anything less than the very image of Adonis himself. But that's just my experience, and as my long-term relationships are relatively few in number, you might be right in the male desire to be Winnie the Pooh.

Anyway Honeypot, I just wanted to wish you luck out there. You seem like a girl who knows what she wants and is going to put it out there to find it. On a public forum. In central California. I would just suggest you wait for while before comparing your new armor bearing knight to an obese, somewhat slow, stuffed bear who is most likely going to suffer from Type II Diabetes before Christopher Robin reaches the ripe old age of 19.

All the best,

Phoebe

PS... if you put your honey somewhere that it's not easily accessible the men might stop dipping into it before you're ready for it.

2 comments:

  1. Hmm... Maybe she wants the man and the armor so if he doesn't work out (and he won't) she can sell the armor and get an eHarmony account.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HAHAHA!!! I think you might be right, eHarmony would be an excellent investment after selling armor collected off of CL.

    ReplyDelete